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did · i · strangle · you · with · my · love
Think I Saw It Wrapped Around Your Throat
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Perhaps I've abstained from writing some of this sentimental shit like the rest of you because nothing's really set in yet. It feels like we're all on vacation and will promptly return for those absolutely necessary lectures on sex, God, and Achilles tomorrow. It hasn't ended for me yet, not mentally at least. Hell, I even dream about going to class still, albeit we're all dressed unusually and are making peculiar noises. Nonetheless, I've felt really secure for the last four years. As much as I whined and moaned about feeling degraded by our having to line up for choir performances, I felt safe in knowing that everything was being taken care of for me. We were so spoiled. We even had our little AP stickies in safe hands until the test day. What the hell do I do now without Ms Patterson to tell me which class to take and Mr Johnson to tell me what real life is actually like?
I'm now socially inept, most likely, only being able to communicate with fellow UHS alumni and the like. I've encountered some of the incoming Fresno State freshman and I am unabashedly appalled. Who will I talk to? They're all so...dumb,for lack of a more vicious word. I am generalizing, of course, but this is one of my top priority fears at the moment; following public bathrooms and sea monsters. I feel like I was kept in an incubator for four years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not chastising anyone or wishing it had gone differently. I'm very content with the fact that I know more than they do heh
Besides that though, I'm capable of, at the very least, learning without an ounce of help from the teacher; we've gotten used to being marooned by now, I think. I'll never speak Math, but that was crossed off my list of things to accomplish a long time ago anyway. My dad would always console me as dads only can with, "get your C and get out," and how much more meaningful those words became around November 2008.
Why am I even writing this? I've felt no strong connection to the high school experience, in and of itself. In fact, it was fucking horrific, but I secretly enjoyed every minute of it. And I'll now less than secretly feel incomplete without each and every one of you. Except the ones I'll see all the time anyway, because I'll be on campus by no matter of chance |
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"Motherhood should enrich your life; it shouldn’t be your life. No one on this planet should dedicate their entire life to another person…even if that other person is their child. After all, how do you share your wisdom and life experiences with your offspring if you’ve never done anything but raise them?" Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant words. |
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Egg-flavored custard tarts are repugnant. |
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纯 女
chún nŭ pure feminine Katelyn means "pure" and Colleen comes from old Gaelic, cailin, meaning "girl" |
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In the Hindu religion, marijuana is revered as a medicine to bring you closer to your god. The ban on marijuana in Nepal is lifted on the holiest day of the year for religious purposes. Men who have devoted their lives to praying to their god for the reparations of the community spend this day smoking the drug to focus on their prayers. They give up all worldly goods, covering themselves only in a loin cloth, holy ashes, and sandalwood dyes. They devote their austere lives to suffering for the sins of the community, performing painful yoga positions, crawling on their bellies, and living solely off of donations of food. It is said that problematic feelings like lust, greed, and anger disappear when smoking the drug, so that their god can become the absolute focus of the mind.
I only later realized that this idea of suffering for the sins of the community is a lot like the Catholic and Christian concept of Jesus. He devoted his life to suffering selflessly for the sins of the community. No one really thinks all that differently about the world, when you get right down to it.
A lot of religions have practiced and continue to practice offering worldly goods like fruit or representations of wealth to passed ancestors. Shamanism, which I don't know enough about yet, is a lot like Buddhism in this sense from what I've heard. There is a ritual in which gold papers are folded in the shape of boats. Piles of them are burned to represent gratitude for prosperity. |
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Love is freedom. The purest form of love doesn't demand anything from anyone. Very few people are content with just enjoying each others' company now. |
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Whoever cannot bear great sorrow, does not deserve great happiness. |
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She - Mein(I) aapko(you) pyaar(love) kartee hoon.
He - Mein aapko pyaar kartaa hoon. |
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So there’s this woman, and she was, um, on an airplane, and she’s flying to meet her fiancé, sailing high above the, the largest ocean on planet earth, and she was seated next to this man who, you know, she had tried to start conversations, and, only – really the only thing she’d heard him say was just to order his, his Bloody Mary, and . . . and she’s sittin’ there, and she’s readin’ this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn’t even pronounce the, the name of, and she’s feeling very bored, and very . . . despondent. And then, uh . . . suddenly . . . there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the, the engines gave out, and they started just falling - thirty thousand feet - the, uh, pilot’s on the, on the microphone and he’s, he’s saying, um, ”I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh my God, I’m . . . I’m sorry,” and apologizing and, and she looks at the man, and she, and she says, she says, she says, “Where are we going?" And, uh, and he looks at her . . . and he says, “We’re going to a party . . . it, it’s a birthday party . . . it’s your birthday party, happy birthday, darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.” And then um, he starts hummin’ this little tune, and, and, uh, it kinda goes like this, it’s kinda - one, two, one, two, three, four We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read
Into the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
Into the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing And it'll go like this, all right While my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun
He says, "Death will give us back to God
Just like the setting sun
Is returned to the lonesome ocean" And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
Oh, it was a wonderful splash! We must blend into the choir, sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
Into this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run We must hang up in the belfry where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
Into the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge And then we'll get down there
Way down to the very bottom of everything
And then we'll see it, oh, we'll see it! We'll see it! We’ll see it! Oh, my morning's coming back
The whole world’s waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one |
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Thirteen year olds can't do their own homework? |
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Revlon Cosmetics was one of the first large companies to fund research for alternatives with a $750,000 contribution to the Rockefeller University in 1979.
The Draize Eye Irritancy Test was invented in 1944 and is the standard method companies use to test cosmetics and household products for eye irritation; rabbits are used the most in this test.
During the test, 100 milligrams of a concentrated solution are dripped into the eyes of six to nine conscious albino rabbits, who may be immobilized in stocks from which only their heads protrude. Their eyes often are held open with clips at the lid, and rabbits can break their necks or backs struggling to escape. The damage to the rabbits' eyes is recorded at specific intervals over an average period of 72 hours, with the test sometimes lasting 7-18 days. Reactions to the irritants can include swelling of the eyelid, inflammation of the iris, ulceration, hemorrhaging (bleeding), and blindness. Pain-relieving drugs usually are not administered because experimenters claim their use would interfere with test results. If anesthesia is given, the relief is only temporary.
Noted toxicologists and health professionals agree that the Draize test is crude and imprecise because it is strictly observational. No treatment is ever administered nor are any antidotes ever sought.
Animal tests protect companies, not consumers. Knowing that a rabbit goes blind 72 hours after being dosed with dandruff shampoo doesn't help us. We already know not to pour caustic substances into our eyes and leave them there; the pain tells us that. We also already know how dangerous various ingredients are, and we can run computer assays of mixtures of these ingredients to predict irritation levels. Human volunteers are already used by some companies to test for skin irritation; these tests provide much more accurate information than animal-based tests. To treat accidental poisoning victims, physicians can use data collected by hospitals from previous poisoning cases--data that are readily applicable to treating human injury. |
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What you perceive, your observations, feelings, interpretations, are all your truth. Your truth is important. Yet it is not The Truth. -- Linda Ellinor |
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Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s faults but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end. |
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A nswer one question for yourself, right now. Something no one else can answer for you. Something you've been putting off because you're afraid to look it in the face. |
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Everything's as grey as it should be. I am naive. And so are you. |
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From everyone and everything. From people waiting for the bus, my AP English teacher's room plastered with Bob Marley and Berlin Kulturstadt, science in the news, old Tim Burton films, the weather. |
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China, The Creation: A cosmic egg floated within the timeless void, containing the opposing forces of yin and yang. After eons of incubation, the first being, Pan-gu emerged. The heavy parts (yin) of the egg drifted downwards, forming the earth. The lighter parts (yang) rose to form the sky. Pan-gu, fearing the parts might re-form, stood upon the earth and held up the sky. He grew 10 feet per day for 18,000 years, until the sky was 30,000 miles high. His work completed, he died. His parts transformed into elements of the universe, whether animals, weather phenomena, or celestial bodies. Some say the fleas on him became humans, but there is another explanation. The goddess Nuwa was lonely, so she fashioned men out of mud from the Yellow River. These first humans delighted her, but took long to make, so she flung muddy droplets over the earth, each one becoming a new person. These hastily-made people became the commoners, with the earlier ones being the nobles the first example of mass-production!
Japan, The Creation: The gods created two divine siblings, brother Izanagi and sister Izanami, who stood upon a floating bridge above the primordial ocean. Using the jeweled spear of the gods, they churned up the first island, Onogoro. Upon the island, Izanagi and Izanami married, and gave forth progeny that were malformed. The gods blamed it upon a breach of protocol. During the marriage ritual, Izanami, the woman, had spoken first. Correctly reprising their marriage ritual, the two coupled and produced the islands of Japan and more deities. However, in birthing Kagutsuchi-no-Kami, the fire god, Izanami died. Traumatized, Izanagi followed her to Yomi, the land of the dead. Izanami, having eaten the food of Yomi, could not return. When Izanagi suddenly saw Izanami's decomposing body, he was terrified and fled. Izanami, enraged, pursued him, accompanied by hideous women. Izanagi hurled personal items at them, which transformed into diversions. Escaping the cavern entrance of Yomi, he blocked it with a boulder, thus permanently separating life from death. (Rather like Persephone in Hades, isn't it?) |
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I hate misunderstandings. And Eric's temper needs some...coolent. |
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First, let’s understand that animals are a completely different bio-mechanical entity than humans. The anatomical, physiological, immunological, histological [dealing with the cell structures] and even psychological differences between humans and animals are too great to overcome. At this moment, a formula for making animal-derived research relevant to human health is non-existent. Animal research has not, can not and will not save a human lives because information cannot be extrapolated from one species to another. Let me elucidate this point to you in a few ways. Everyday in veterinary schools all across this world, the fraud of vivisection is substantiated. After talking with several veterinarians who unfortunately have been fooled into believing that animal research can be beneficial to humans, I asked them when they were in vet school studying feline leukemia which animal they studied upon. Cats, of course, they all replied. I asked them why they didn’t study on dogs for feline leukemia. They each replied that studying on dogs for feline leukemia doesn’t make scientific sense. I then asked why would we use dogs and cats and other animals for human leukemia research. Their silence exposed the scam. Veterinarians invalidate the widespread use of species to species extrapolation because they use cats for feline leukemia research, horses for colic research, dogs for canine distemper research, and so on. They don’t use dogs for cats, pigs for dogs, and monkeys for horses. A footnote this topic. I do oppose what takes place in veterinary schools on ethical grounds. Understand, though, I cannot oppose it on scientific grounds because it is scientifically justifiable to research on the species in question when searching for treatments for that species. However, when it comes to using animals as research specimens for humans, I oppose this on scientific grounds as well as ethical grounds. No matter how diligently animal researchers try, they can never re-create the spontaneously-occurring diseases that humans get. They can only re-create symptoms and give mutations. And, on top of that, the experiments are always done in a controlled, manipulative environment where researchers can produce whatever answer they’re looking for. If researchers want to show that there is NO link between smoking and lung cancer, no problem, just bring in some dogs - hook them up to facial mechanical devices - and force them to inhale smoke with every breath. For the record, it is true that smoking does NOT cause lung cancer in dogs. Then again, I haven’t met too many dogs who smoke in the first place. How about showing that diet drugs are safe for humans? No problem. Just bring in some rats, gorge them until they become obese and give them large doses of fenphen. For the record, the diet drug fenphen passed all rat research protocols but was taken off the market years ago after killing several humans. Were you aware that every two seconds someone in the world dies from a disease that the medical community has known how to cure for nearly two thousand years. Every two seconds! That disease is malnutrition. But in early ’98, with a hefty grant, The Detroit Free Press reported that animal researchers were close to identifying the hunger gene in rats. Huh? How much more meaningless, idiotic and wasteful experiments will researchers conduct and more importantly will society condone? Once again, we know how to cure malnutrition. The sad truth is that medicine - in its myriad of treatments - is a commodity. If you can’t afford it, then you don’t get it. Keep this in mind as well, not one of Jerry’s Kids has ever walked or been cured even though the muscular dystrophy telethons have taken in more than $50 billion dollars since its inception. And that’s a generous estimate. It’s probably much more. The money has come from kind people who have been duped by the animal research community’s guileful, mendacious and insidious hook; this latest mouse experiment is very hopeful and promising. Those are the two favorite words of a vivisectionist; hopeful and promising. Translation - send me more money so I can continue my lifelong mission of gathering useless information. Christopher Anderegg, who received his M.D. and Ph.D. from the Yale University School of Medicine, explained "It is impossible to predict human reactions to drugs, vaccines and other chemicals by testing them on animals." Still, vivisectionists lie about the value of animal experiments and remain unwilling to use the following 10 forms of true scientific research techniques; 1) human-based clinical research; 2) epidemiology (study, causes and distribution of human diseases); 3) cellular and molecular biology using human-based tissue and cell cultures and in vitro; 4) autopsy research; 5) biopsy research; 6) computer models using virtual reality, simulators and 3D programs; 7) mathematical models using formulas to determine drug concoctions and reactions; 8) case studies; 9) human-based DNA/genetic research; and 10) trial and error methodology. Fortunately though, some people are responding to the truth. Dozens of charities like The Easter Seals Foundation, the American Kidney Fund and The International Eye Foundation, to name a few, only use the aforementioned methods of scientific research and, more importantly, refuse to perform or fund any form of animal research. So, if the Easter Seals engages in essential non-animal-based research for birth defects and The March of Dimes engages in vivisection because it claims that’s the only way to conduct research for birth defects, I ask you, "Who’s lying?" I hope you feel the same way that I do when asked to select between two diametrically opposed positions. Personally, I always side with peace, benevolence and justice. Since healing human beings cannot be based upon violent protocols and human medicine cannot be based upon a false, duplicitous model, it’s seems clear to me who’s lying. Polio victim Linn Pulis once eloquently said, "I would not want to promote research on animals. Fortunately, only my back is twisted, not my mind." Dr. Richard Klausner, animal researcher and director of the National Cancer Institute, a huge animal researching entity, once said, "The history of cancer research has been a history of curing cancer in the mouse. We have cured mice of cancer for decades and it simply doesn’t work in humans." For some amazing information on why vivisection is unscientific, please check out www.CureDisease.com. It is the Web site of Dr. Ray Greek, the world’s foremost expert in determining the value of all medical research The following piece was written by Dr. Jerry Vlasak, a trauma surgeon in several California hospitals. You can contact Dr. Vlasak at JWVlasak@pol.net. |
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Comment and I shall:
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Associate you with a character/pairing.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
8. In return, you must post this in your LJ. |
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say ten things or something to ten people -- you don't have to put their names -- with a line or title of a song. 1. lately i've been feeling like i don't belong, like the ground's not mine to walk upon
2. i'm glad i didn't die before i met you
3. thanks for the trouble you took from her eyes, i thought it was there for good so i never tried
4. of course it's your decision, but i just thought you should know, if you decide to go, i soon will follow
5. well, it takes one to know one kid, i think you've got it bad
6. go on, take everything, take everything, i want you to
7. love is the best endeavor
8. marry-anne's a bitch
9. don't be the death of me...
10. this could be love |
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for you, the man that lies through his teeth, "climate change is a hoax, a liberal scare-tactic," you're going to die with everyone else. so, who cares about the polar bears? you should. you, who swears by the food chain, uses it as remedial justification for massive murder and torture. you should because it all leads back to you. |
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"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being."-Abraham Lincoln "Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances of survival for life on earth
as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet."Albert Einstein "Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution.
Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages."-Thomas Edison "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated."-Mahatma Gandhi "The time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals
as they now look on the murder of men."-Leonardo da Vinci "Stop demanding murder on a daily basis, It's unethical."-Matthew Lush |
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paranoid girlfriends & girls that say "ten more pounds, ten more pounds, another ten, another ten, maybe ten more, only ten more, i promise!" & catty girls with no dignity & girls that throw themselves away or allow themselves to be wasted & smug girls & mosquito bites (as in the one on my leg, eric. sicko). |
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holy fuck today was hell! i felt like i was going to collapse...omg. i'm just glad that advil's some magic eighth wonder. it got better though. a lot better. life is pretty okay. i'm anticipating an enormous, painful collapse though so i guess i'll never be able to enjoy it. i hope saturday is as nice as i'm hoping it will be. is that redundant? i don't care. i'm happy. however, slightly uncomfortable with the question "is that what tampons are for?" god, that's cute in a pathetic, sheltered boy kind of way.
I am: |
 content | |
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maybe i'm bitter about my state of artistic "talent" but the art aisle at office depot depresses me. i hate being reminded of how much i wish i could be able to do that! to wear colored pencils out and feel no guilt, for the line i picture to come out right on paper, to get my fingers all messy and black. i'm surrounded by artists, and poets, and extremely driven and intelligent people and i feel so inadequate! everything i actually have a passion for, i get beyond frustrated about when i can't seem to come out on top with it. i'm not attempting perfection. i want to be good at something that's completely mine. i want to be something incredible in my own exclusive, little category. am i selfish? i don't want glory, i want to find something i can do! a basic life-fufillment. maybe i need time. and patience will come with it. i hope.
I am: |
 frustrated | |
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I spent a week drinking the sunlight of Winnetka, California
Where they understand the weight of human hearts
You see, sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you
With the fear that it eventually departs
And the truth is I’ve been dreaming of some tired tranquil place
Where the weather won’t get trapped inside my bones
And if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face
Then it's there I will plant these seeds and make my home
I spent a day dreaming of dying in Mesa, Arizona
Where all the green of life had turned to ash
And I felt I was on fire, with the things I could have told you
I guess I just assumed that you eventually would ask
And I wouldn’t have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months I just wanted to sleep
And though spring, it did come slowly, I guess it did it's part
My heart has thawed and continues to beat
I visited my brother on the outskirts of Olympia
Where the forest and the water become one
And we talked about our childhood, like a dream we were convinced of
That perfect peaceful street where we came from
And I know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords
As I sat inside my room so long ago
And it hurts that he’s still shaking from those secrets that were told
By a car closed up airtight and a heart turned cold
And I went to San Diego, the birthplace of the summer
And watched the ocean dance under the moon
And there was a girl I knew there, one more potential lover
I guess that something’s got to happen soon
Because I know I can’t keep living in this dead or dying dream
And as I watched along the beach and drank with her
I thought about my true love, the one I really need
With eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
They make me pure
They make me pure
I long to be with you |
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can a feeling die? can you use it up?
I am: |
 anxious | |
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ooooh boys are absolutely clueless. the whole lot of them.
I am: |
cheerful | |
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if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you. |
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"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'" |
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"...i could've died for love- but for livin' i was born..." --Life Is Fine, Langston Hughes "I would liken you
To a night without stars
Were it not for your eyes.
I would liken you
To a sleep without dreams
Were it not for your songs."
--Quiet Girl, Langston Hughes "Remember if you marry for beauty, thou bindest thyself all thy life for that which perchance, will neither last nor please thee one year: and when thou hast it, it will be to thee of no price at all."
--Emily Dickinson "The difference between pretty and beautiful is-
pretty is temporal-whereas beautiful is eternal." |
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"I haven't taken a breath
since we last spoke,
and suffocating never felt so good,
but I can't live like this,
between moments,
between spasms of you,
and all the exhaustion of need.
I've thought to call,
but I've never been one
to press buttons
or you."
--Untitled, Becky Martin |
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"Sometimes days passed and Stupid Ludmila did not appear in the forest. Lekh would become possessed by a silent rage. He would stare solemnly at the birds in the cages, mumbling something to himself. Finally, after prolonged scrutiny, he would choose the strongest bird, tie it to his wrist, and prepare stinking paints of different colors which he mixed together from the most varied components. When the colors satisfied him, Lekh would turn the bird over and paint its wings, head, and breast in rainbow hues until it became more dappled and vivid than a boquet of wildflowers.
Then we would go into the thick of the forest. There Lekh took out the painted bird and ordered me to hold it in my hand and squeeze it lightly. The bird would begin to twitter and attract a flock of the same species which would fly nervously over our heads. Our prisoner, hearing them, strained toward them, warbling more loudly, its little heart, locked in its freshly painted breat, beating violently.
When a sufficient number of birds gathered above our heads, Lekh would give me the sign to release the prisoner. It would soar, happy and free, a spot of rainbow against the backdrop of clouds, and then plunge into the waiting brown flock. For an instant the birds were confounded. The painted bird circled from one end of the flock to the other, vainly trying to convince its kin that it was one of them. But, dazzled by its brilliant colors, they flew around it unconvinced. The painted bird would be forced farther and farther away as it zealously tried to enter the ranks of the flock. We saw soon afterwards how one bird after another would peel off in a fierce attack. Shortly the many-hued shape lost its place in the sky and dropped to the ground. When we finally found the painted bird it was usually dead. Lekh keenly examined the number of blows which the bird had received. Blood seeped through its colored wings, diluting the paint and soiling Lekh's hands."
-The Painted Bird, Jerzy Kosinski |
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*kiss on the forehead ------------ "forever you will be mine" *kiss on the ear--------------------"i'm horny" *kiss on the cheek-----------------"we're friends" *kiss on the hand------------------"i adore you" *kiss on the neck-------------------"we belong together" *kiss on the shoulder--------------"i want you" *kiss on the lips---------------------"i love you" or "i want you" *holding hands--------------------"we can learn to love each other" *a wink---------------------------------"Le t's get it on" *slap on the ass---------------------"thats mine" *playing with the ear----------------"i can't live without you" *holding on tight---------------------"don't let go" *looking into each other's eyes---"let's get romantic" *playing with hair on head---------------"tell me you love me" *arms around the waist -----------"i love you too much to let go" *laughing while kissing-------"i am completley comfortable with you" ***if you're kissing someone, close your eyes. it's not nice to stare...
***if you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in love... |
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"...love is not an intellectual decision. you can't look for it or hold on to it or run away from it. it comes and goes according to its own wild inclination, completely out of our control. all we can do is recognize it when we feel it, and try to enjoy it while it lasts -- be it for a day or a lifetime..."
--Jameson |
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xmeimcontagious's journal